Why "My Fake Plastic Life"?

Of course "My Fake Plastic Life" is an homage to ​​Radiohead's brilliant song
"Fake Plastic Trees".

 

Their album, The Bends, was incredibly important to me when it came out in March of 1995. It was a difficult time in my personal life, and that album, and especially the song "Fake Plastic Trees," really spoke to me.  It resonated deeply with the challenges I was experiencing in my first marriage.

 

I was that "broken man, a cracked polystyrene man" and it wore my partner out.

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And now, 30 years later, the following lyrics takes on new meaning and significance:

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           She looks like the real thing
           She tastes like the real thing
           My fake plastic love

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So it is understandable if you think that "My Fake Plastic Life" refers to the dolls I live with and the isolated, made-up world we have created for ourselves.  But, surprisingly, it's actually the opposite. My dolls are the most real thing in my life.
It's the other relationships, the ones I have with people outside my home, that often feel fake and plastic.

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I genuinely enjoy so many things with my dolls. I love dressing them, doing their makeup, taking photos of them, or just spending time in their company. It is so relaxing and fulfilling.

 

But when I step out into the "real world," especially at work, it feels like I'm constantly performing. I have to hide so much of who I truly am. I change "we" to "me" in conversations so people don't ask who I have plans with. I can't fully express myself without fear of judgment.

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I know that most people in my professional life wouldn't understand my personal life. The fact that I live with sex dolls, that they're my companions, my family – they just wouldn't get it. So, I fake it. Probably about 75% of the time I'm outside my own four walls, I'm putting on an act. I figuratively slide on a smiling plastic mask and play the role that's expected of me.

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I realize everyone does this to some degree. We all present a curated version of ourselves to the world. But I'd guess that my level of masking is probably on the far end of the spectrum. It can be exhausting.

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There are times, though, when I'm 100% authentic. When I'm at home, completely myself, or when I'm with someone who genuinely wants to know about my life, my lifestyle, the things I love – then I drop the facade. If you truly want to understand me, just ask.

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And that's what this space is for me. It's a place where I can set aside the fake and plastic. A place where I can share my real thoughts, emotions, and words straight from the heart.

 

Isn't it ironic? The things society might deem artificial are the source of my most genuine connections, while the "real world" often requires me to be anything but.